Wednesday, June 20, 2007

12dp3pt - 2 more sleeps!

It's 12dp3pt or 15 days past retrieval today and we have 2 more sleeps to go now. I am finding myself thinking about it all the time, non stop! I'm not sleeping well at night, when I do sleep then I don't stop dreaming about weird things and I am restless, slowly but surely this 2ww is starting to make me lose my mind (altho I have been told that you can't lose something you never had! ha - how rude!)

AF would officially be due today if this was any other cycle and so far there are no signs of her, I know that's she MIA partly because of the hormones making her stay away (although I do hope that it's because I'm pregnant too) but I did expect to get the odd pre-af cramp etc. and so far there's nothing....I'm hoping she's gone on a nice long vacation! I have also never been on prog.esterone for so long, normally I would have had my beta yesterday (on an IUI cycle) so would have stopped it already, AF usually come two days after stopping the meds so that would make 16dpo and I will only go for my beta on 17dpo this time round, can progestrone keep her away so long?

I do have the odd symptoms that are still making me think that I am pregnant, my boobs are still a bit bigger ~ the shooting pains that I was getting are gone now but have left them feeling tender, not sore but tender. You know, if I touch them they hurt. They are however more sore closer to my armpit, but my glands there do feel a bit swollen so maybe it's just that. Still no sore nips which I am happy about and that too is different. I am still as constipated as all hell but also know that this is thanks to the prog.esterone, everything else is sorta the same and the only other things I can add to my list is headaches, I don't normally get a lot of headaches, but have been getting them almost daily now. The next thing is Nausea, I am fine all morning, it hits me once I've had lunch, so for a while I just drink water and nothing else and eventually it just goes away. I don't have a particularly sensitive stomach either so the nausea is very different for me, I'm wondering if it's some kind of bug, surely it's too early for morning sickness?

I keep on wondering about all these things and even I am getting irritated with me because the hormones I am putting into my body could be causing all these "symptoms". What happens if I'm imagining all of this and the "feeling" is just one of self-preservation? What happens if I am indeed not pregnant? Oh Fuck, that's what.

Frank of-course thinks I am hillarious, he just smiles or laughs at me, telling me that everything will be okay. Oh and have I told you all how much I love my husband? The other night, when I was doing that "what if" thing again, he told me to stop worrying and that if I am not pregnant this time then we'll do an FET straight away and that I just need to look after myself. Now, let me tell you that I have thought about this cycle failing but I haven't, however, thought about doing and FET straight away, I just pressumed we'd wait because firstly ~ I don't know how ready I will be, secondly ~ I think they make you wait from a hormonal point of view and thirdly ~ it's another 10 grand and we've already spent 6 grand more than we were bargaining on because of the ICSI and freezing. Anyway, I love him for thinking so far ahead and telling me that it will all be okay. I know it will, it may just take some time.

That's all the news I have really, I'm not that busy at work at the moment which really doesn't help at all. I'm sick of Dr. Google and he's sick of me, besides he's not telling me what I really want to know. Of-course I do know that I could just POAS and then I would know, but I do keep my promises, even tho it's not easy and besides that, i'm scared shitless of seeing only one line. I swore I'd never POAS again unless I knew there were going to be two lines, hopefully I'll get to see them real soon!


Sarah said...

i really feel for you tammy, this is the hardest part by far! it seems like two days should fly by but we all know they will be the longest days ever. i hope you get some good distractions to pass the time, and i sure hope that nagging i-think-it-just-might-have-worked feeling is right!!

ultimatejourney said...

Oh Tam, I've got absolutely everything crossed for you. I don't know a thing about the side effects of the hormones you're taking, but everything you say makes me think you're pregnant. I really hope so!

Caro said...

I've got everything crossed too.

Sticky Bun said...

I was just thinking of you this morning--thinking that you must be just about at your wits end with this 2ww. I hope you're able to distract yourself in these last two days, and I'll keep everything crossed for wonderful news on Friday!

Anonymous said...

Oh girl.... hang in there! This is the roughest part. Everything crossed!

Leah said...

I can't even comprehend the willpower it takes not to POAS. You are far stronger than I am!

I think we all have a really good feeling about this cycle for you. Please update as quickly as you can after the beta on Friday, I'll be holding my breath (although I think due to time differences, you should have the results by the time I wake up in the morning). Good luck!!!

Carrie said...

I can't believe you have resisted the stick. Wow.

It is looking good though. I'm hoping so hard for you both.

Take care x

LJ said...

I agree, the last two days are actually the second week of the 2ww. I truly commend your willpower, and think you should treat yourself to something uberspecial tomorrow.

Bean said...

ooh ooh ooh -- I really hope this is the one for you! I'll have my fingers and toes crossed for you.

Thanks for the hug, I can use a lot these days.

Good Luck, I sure hope Friday brings you the best news.

Amy said...

Good luck good luck good luck!! I'll be checking your blog a million times on Friday; the 2 weeks is almost done!