Thursday, January 31, 2008

Detox Day 1...

Thank you (once again) for all your kind words, you guys are the greatest, you know that I love you all!

Okay, so I have been a very bad little blogger lately and so I have decided to make an effort to keep you all up to date on what's happening in terms of treatment while seeing the new AC, you never know, I might be able to help a few of you find your way to a similar place/treatment should this JJ sweetie, because you asked me to...this is for you, who know's - maybe this could work for both of us....

Detox day 1 - 4 consists of:
  • A cup of hot water and lemon slices first thing in the morning
  • 40 Agnus Cactus drops in some water (take this half an hour either way of food) - take this 3 times a day
  • Fruit for breakfast & a cup of Rooibos tea with honey
  • Steamed veggies and basmati/brown rice for lunch
  • Another cup of Rooibos with Honey
  • Fruit as a snack
  • A large fresh green salad with nuts for Dinner wite apple cider vinegar and olive oil for a dressing
  • Have a glass of freshly juiced veg with dinner (carrot & celery etc.)
  • Drink 2 litres of water a day
So ladies, so far so good. It doesn't sound too bad now does it? So I do this for 4 days, I think that i'll be sick of it soon but I shouldn't feel too bad on it....only thing that might get to me is not having my daily cup of coffee....

Frank and I had a chat about things last night - he took me out to dinner, it was sort of like the "last supper" before I started detox and so over a lovely glass of wine (okay - a few glasses) we had time to chat and we decided that I would do this for as long as I can and if I feel ready before the 3 months is up then we will move onto IVF (presuming Dr. P hasn't formed some miracle and gotten me pregnant natrually). So, that's the plan for now. I am feeling better, still a tad tearful for even having to carry on walking this road - but better.

We chatted about what we would do if we needed to consider other options after IVF and really came to no conclusion, Frank is still dead set against adoption and egg donation but in saying that, we aren't in that position yet, nor do I think that we will ever get there but all of us know that this IF journey can take you anywhere and so we leave that one open for debate at a later stage.

So here we go now, back to basics, this should be interesting!!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Please make it STOP!!

I just can't...I don't have the strength for this anymore.

AF has just arrived, I was so positive this month, we did everything right with our DIY cycle, our timing was more than perfect, I used the bicarb thing for my acidity and even tried progesterone in my 2ww. I don't know why I still believe that it could happen like this after the road that we have travelled, why do I always end up feeling the same way?

I week ago, I would have told you that it was okay because you see IVF #3 was on the cards, but that has all changed in the last few days and today I am confused and frustrated about what decision needs to be made. We have decided to put our IVF off for another 3 months, when we made this decision, it felt like I had nothing to lose and everything to gain from this, today I feel scared and so so unsure.

We went to go and see the accupuncturist that I mentioned a while ago, he was to treat me in conjuction with my IVF, he did a few tests to determine what condition my body is in, he asks us questions on what the problems are fertility wise and then went on to say that he doesn't understand why we need IVF.

Of-course I share his sentiment, I have never understood that someone with minor fertility problems like mine needs IVF, if I had "structural" problems like blocked tubes etc then yes but everything seems to be functioning correctly in that area. We spoke about our previous IVF's and the fact the embryo's were good but that they did not even start to implant, he asked what our FS thought the problems were etc.

So anyway, after he did the tests etc he said that I am still very acidic/toxic, my hormones are out, my lymphatic system is not working properly and the list went on and on, now I'll tell you that I think that I am quite healthy but he says that I am not. He says that he thinks the problem with implantation is due to acidity, due to the fact that a healthy embryo cannot or will not implant in a uterus that isn't welcoming and really, if you think about it, it does make sense.

And with that, he asked us to give him 3 months to get my body right, he says that he thinks that he can get me pregnant natrually within 3 months and that if I am not then he will still treat me through the IVF but at that stage our chance of success will be much better and our thinking at the time was that we really have nothing to lose and everything to gain, what is 3 months when we've already put 3 years into this? But today I feel different, today I am scared of waiting, today I just want to move on, I. JUST. WANT. A. BABY - I. JUST. WANT. THIS. TO. ALL. STOP - IS. THAT. TOO. MUCH. TO. ASK?

I know that I need to try this, what is the point of going through another IVF, spending all that money, time and emotions on something that probably wont work because nothing has really changed? And so as hard as this is, we are going to try it, I start off with a 10 day detox (this involves colon hydrotherapy for 6 days and a liquid diet while doing the colon cleansing) and he has put me on Agnus Cactus to get my hormones sorted out. Once I have done the detox (I start on Thursday) he will tell me what I am and am not allowed to eat, he will change my diet so that we can start to control my acidity and we'll go from there.

If all else fails, we will be starting IVF in May (funny how it'll a year exactly since our first IVF), I hope and pray that he is right and that we can make this happen natrually within the next 3 months, that has always been No. 1 for me but at least my body will be in a better place if we need to do IVF.

I haven't cried, let me tell you that I want to and I can feel the tears burning in the back of my eyes but I can't, I can't lose it because I haven't even told Frank, it kills me to tell him because he was so excited about this cycle, he kept on telling me that it had to work because we got it all right and it breaks my heart that I feel so broken, that I can't make him a Dad.

On another note, Mands has just had her transfer and it went beautifully - please go and wish her all the best!! Also, sweet Bumble will be having her little girl very soon, they are planning on inducing on Sunday since her due date was yesterday...I wish her all the best with the birth and can't wait to meet little Embie!!

Friday, January 11, 2008

In Vitro Maturation...

Have any of you heard of IVM?

Apparently it's new (to us and our clinic)'s a breakdown:

What is IVM treatment?
IVM stands for In Vitro Maturation. 'In vitro' comes from the Latin meaning 'in glass' and 'maturation' is the process of aging something from infancy to maturity. In IVM, immature eggs, or oocytes, are retrieved from the ovary, then matured in the laboratory before being fertilised and replaced to the womb.

What is the procedure for IVM?
IVM is much easier than conventional treatment and requires much less time commitment.
1. Under the guidance of ultrasound, the immature eggs are retrieved from a woman's unstimulated ovaries.
2. The eggs are then matured in the laboratory for 24-48 hours.
3. The eggs that have matured after this time are fertilised using traditional techniques such as ICSI.
4. Two to three days after fertilisation, the embryos are transferred to the mother's womb.

How does it differ from IVF?
There are two main differences between IVM and IVF and they are safety and cost. In standard IVF treatment the woman undergoes 2 weeks of injections to stimulate egg production prior to retrieval. As well as being time-consuming and uncomfortable, a potentially fatal side-effect of these injections is a condition known as Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS). IVM does not need these daily injections so there is no risk of OHSS.
And because the treatment is shorter than IVF, there is no need for women to have to sniff an ovary suppressing drug for 2-3 weeks prior to injections.

Who is it suitable for?
To begin with, IVM will mainly be for women with polycystic ovaries. However, it is thought the procedure will be ideally suited to women below their mid thirties as an alternative to IVF.

What are the success rates?
So far, over 400 babies have been born worldwide through IVM treatment and Danish scientists have achieved 30 per cent success rates using the procedure.
Professor Bob Edwards, who helped create the world's first IVF baby, Louise Brown, believes that IVM could be safely used to treat most women with fertility problems and will revolutionise fertility treatments. "I see IVM as an all-round - and cheaper - solution," he says. "This really is a new era for IVF. A revolution. I think IVM will replace IVF. It all looks very promising."

More on it here: &

So ladies, are there any of you who have had this procedure and know more about it? If so, please leave a comment, for the rest of you....might be something to look into, I have just recently found out that Vita.lab have started using it and am busy finding out more on it and whether it would be suitable for Frank and I....will let you know what they say!

**** Update: Okay, so apparently Vita.lab are doing their first IVM at the end of this month, they are looking at just doing it for PCOS patients as they are the ones that over-stimulate and run the highest risk of OHSS. Dr V says that you will get the same amount of eggs as IVF and that the quality will be the same as when you ovaries are stimulated, he also says that IVM costs about R12 000 compared to R28 000 with IVF. However, the success rate is 15% less than normal there you go, not suitable at this stage for Frank and I, I'm leaving this post up for those of you who could possibly benefit from such treatment.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

So close...

Frank and I had one of our heart to hearts the other night, it's been a while since we've spoken about what our next step in the process is, don't get me wrong, it's not like I made the decision to do another IVF without him, we both knew that this new year would bring a fresh IVF but hadn't really discussed when or how we feel about things, before my last post I asked him if Feb would be okay for me to start BCP and he said that if I was ready then he was fine with it.

So that was that then, I have my heart set on another IVF as from next month, towards the end of last year I wasn't sure, I kept on finding an excuse to put it off another month, Jan was too soon, it's Frank's birthday in Feb and it's also my sister's 21st, then it's our anniversary in March and so I didn't want to be cycling then, but when I think about it now, they were nothing but feeble excuses to put off what scares me the most and that's not me, I normally go into things head on and so I've decided that all I needed was some time to heal, I'll say it again....we infertile are resilient!!

But I digress, we were lying in my most favourite place (our bed) and chatting, I asked him if he was ready and happy with starting in Feb, he told me that he was and that he thinks that we are close - so close now. I think so too, I have to believe that we are closer than we have ever been; I can feel that our dream of becoming parents is within our grasp now, it has to be.

With this IVF brings new fears, a 5 day wait instead of 3, a new protocol that scares me half to death, not because it's less needles (yeah baby!) but because it's different and last time I stimmed very well BUT I also need to remember that altho last time went perfectly with regards to my meds, ER and ET - it didn't work, not even slightly and that this time will be different and we are hoping that that difference is all it takes.

We spoke about how hard last year was, how it's changed us and our marriage, we spoke about how unfair it still seems and about how far we have come. It still feels very surreal, we have been trying to have a baby for as long as we have been married, gone to so many doctors and had so many different opinions, we've done 3 IUI's and 2 IVF's, I've had another 2 lapscopes and more hormones than I could ever imagine put into my body. We still think about how we thought that our child/ren would be made in the privacy of our bedroom, about how naive and simple minded we used to be.

And then Frank said something that I had never imagined, he thanked me for being so strong and for getting him through all this and it made me cry. I never imagined myself as strong, I used to be strong before I was faced with IF but the last thing I feel is strong, I feel weak and scared, I feel like my husband is the only thing that keeps me going. I feel like I'm about to lose it at the best of times and he tells me that I am amazing, that I have made him proud to be my husband because all I think about is how this affects him (because I know that I am the one who can't stop). I asked him to tell me if he wanted to stop, that I didn't want to destroy our marriage over this and he told me that even he couldn't stop now, we've come through all of this and we are almost there, I feel better now and I love my husband more than ever, for being my knight in shining amour and for not knowing that I couldn't do this without him, he is my strength.

Okay, so enough sloppy-ness, Frank boss' wife is pregnant with twins after their first IVF at Vita.lab and I have hope. I start seeing an AC on the 26th of Jan, he says that he wants to see me a month before starting IVF (stimms) so I’m quite excited to try something different, my GP recommended him because he specialises in IF.

And so chickens, with that comes the end of my post. Here's a pic of Frank and I on New Years Eve with my friends little munchkin who really took a liking to me even tho we haven't seen the kids for over a year, very precious....

Friday, January 4, 2008

Goodbye 2007!

I don't think that I have ever been as eager as I was for a year to come to an end, 2007 was a very hard year for many of us. Of-course some of you ended on a very good note, congrats on all the BFP's out there ~ I am truly praying for a healthy 9 months for all my dear friends.

Christmas and new year were good, hectic as usual what with running up and down to family and friends, I find christmas time incredibly tiring but I know that one day I wont mind, like many of you, christmas reminds me of what I am still missing in my life.

The shingles are finally clearing up and I can honestly say that that really was no fun at all, I am starting to feel better and have more energy now. I have joined the gym and start tomorrow, it's time to start looking after my body instead of punishing it.

New years day brought back some memories of our first failed IUI, it was on new years day last year that I had found out the our first IUI had failed. I was devastated, but I was hopeful for my first medicated cycle that was to follow, I was different back then....a lot less jaded and cynical than I am now, I was so hopeful and convinced that by Dec I would either be a mom or have a nice round tummy with my baby growing inside me.

2007 had lots of all time highs and even more devastating lows, it's changed a part of us that will forever stay changed, some of what we used to be is gone for good but it's not all bad, we have eachother, I find myself comparing my marriage to other couples, couples who have their children and are watching them grow, couples who's marriages are falling apart even tho they should be thankful for what they have and it's hard not to compare.

I find myself thankful for my husband who loves me dearly and altho I still feel very very cheated by my infertility, I am thankful that most of the ways that our marriage has changed through infertility has been good, the one thing that infertility has done for us is make us stronger, make us more understanding with eachother and make us realise that there is no one else on this earth that we would rather be going through this with and so I do have to look at the good that came out of 2007 too.

I don't have any new years resolutions, my goal is get through infertility with some of who I used to be intact, we will get through this....2008 is going to be the year, we are starting fresh - with new hope and with the realisation that we needed to get through 2007 and all it's trials and tribulations to get to where we are now, to know more, understand the process and see that our end goal is in sight.

I am currently on CD 4 (yes, new years day brought the same as last year - a visit from my least favourite aunty) today, we will start IVF at the end of this cycle, I need to have my auto immune tests re-done as my immune system would have been comprimised with the shingles, so I'll have those re-done when I go for my CD2 scan. We are looking forward to moving on now and hoping for a really good outcome with IVF #3!!!