Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Moving along...

Thank you all for all your comments and virtual hugs, you guys are just awesome. Frank and I had a good’ish weekend, it was hard but good to get away. It gave us time to talk about everything and just let everything come out, we went for a nice long walk on Saturday and sat in the sun for hours talking and crying. Saturday was hard, I had terrible period pain and was bleeding quite a lot, it just felt like it was the final twist of the knife.

Nothing is set in stone as yet but I think that we have decided to move on with the FET after this cycle, we’ll need to speak to the Dr and figure out what kind of cycle they’ll do (i.e. natural or medicated) and go from there. Our plan is to have the ET and go away for two weeks afterwards, I think it’ll be better for me to be away from everything and everyone and just relax. Of-course we’ll need to see if we can get away from work etc.

I am on CD5 today so have worked out that if I have a 28 day cycle then I should have my transfer just before or on my birthday which should be about 2 to 3 days after O. I do think that maybe the timing isn’t great but we’ll see. Maybe by then we will both have renewed hope.

Frank has been wonderful and very understanding, he is very sick and has been back to the Dr since our return and they have finally figured out that he has a viral infection, shame…poor man, he is in a lot of pain. They say that he just needs to rest and that he should be fine in about a week or so. The fun just never stops!!

I am still feeling very confused and angry but I do feel better than I was feeling, it comes and goes. Sometimes there is this overwhelming sadness and sense of loss, I don’t think I’ll ever understand how you can feel so much sadness for something that you never really had, love something that you have never known. I have decided that it’s sadness for something that could have been. My little two, I was so sure that they were strong, that they had made it, I could imagine looking into their eyes and loving them so deeply. It’s a rather humbling experience, being so wrong about something you were so sure about. It’s not the first time and I’m sure it won’t be the last and somehow we just never learn.

I have been visiting Dr. Google again, I know that we have an appointment on Friday to discuss why this IVF failed, but I just need to know more. They do say that most times it’s because there was a problem with embryo’s, even tho they looked perfect it doesn’t mean that they could become a baby. There are various issues, not implanting (lining problems) and anti-body type issues, there are just so many reasons and I am not really sure what I am looking for, some answer to say that everything will be okay and that maybe next time round things will be better or even the next. I am looking for hope I suppose. I think that I should just wait and see what they say.

I need to make a list of questions that I need to ask, right now there are so many things swimming around in my head that I can’t really make sense of anything. If you guys have any suggestions of what to ask, they will be most welcome.

I find myself avoiding human contact, I don’t take phone calls unless I have to and I’m pretty much keeping to myself, I need to do this for my sanity. All I need right now is Frank and an understanding ear from you special people. I just don’t have the patience for everyone’s questions and comments when I have so many myself. I am sure that this is very normal and that I will feel better soon, we infertiles are quite resilient and I know that this too shall pass and become part of our journey.

I have been bad, I’ve started drinking coffee again and I’ve eaten enough chocolate to sink a battleship, I need to get back on track again and be good to my body, I will…just not this week.

I have been in contact with Bumble, she wanted to me to let you all know that everything is moving along nicely. She is 9 weeks today and is still a bit worried about things going smoothly, she is yet to find a gynea which she will do this week. They have moved into their new house and so she doesn’t have internet or mail but will be back on line once that is all sorted.

Friday, June 22, 2007

It was not meant to be....

Here I am, I know that you have all been waiting with baited breath for the update of yesterdays post, I am sorry for leaving you hanging.

My beta was negative, negative as in they don't even give you a number.

They really don't tell you much, we have an appointment to see the Dr next week friday to discuss the possible reason's of my embryo's not surviving, it just seems so sad that they were growing perfectly and then couldn't survive in me. We will also discuss when to a FET and whether it will be medicated or natural, and will discuss when. Right now, I don't feel like I can do this anymore, I feel like I could wait until Sept/Oct to do the FET as I feel like I need time to heal and deal with this, we will however take the Dr's advice due to my endometriosis time restraints, they gave me a year before I needed it removed again, that will be in Nov.

I cried so much yesterday and then all of a sudden I felt calm, it's a strange calm, sorta feels like the calm before the storm. I'm waiting for it to hit me, I hope that it doesn't, because I don't think it will be pretty.

I have so many feelings inside, they just wont come out, I lay awake most of the night thinking about how I feel, I feel like I'm someone else's body, like this isn't really happening, but the sad thruth of it is that it is my life.

I'm trying to put everything into words, maybe i'll feel better once it's all out:

I am ANGRY - more than anything there is ANGER
I am angry at myself for getting hurt again, I am angry at G*d, I am angry the I am infertile and that something that should be so easy is so hard...
I am resentfull...
I am so, so lonely...
I am not sure how to deal with this hurt anymore...
I am starting to lose my faith and that scares me...
I am scared of carrying on...
I am scared of stopping...
I am scared of doing the FET, what if it too fails...
I am not feeling strong at all, my world feels like it's crumbling down and there's nothing I can do...
I am in a bad place right now, I do know that things will get better and that time heals, I so want to not hurt anymore...

There is so much more, more that just can't be put into words. Thank you all for being there for me and for understanding and just listening, I know that you understand this more than anyone ever could.

Frank started getting chest pains yesterday afternoon, I think that scared me out of feeling sorry for myself, he gets so stressed and upset about it but doesn't know what to do with his anger, I cry. Anyway, we ended up and the Dr's getting an ECG and blood and blood pressure ect, they say that it's just stress - funny how a failed IVF cycle will do that to you. He does however have a very bad throat/nose & ear infection that he has been ignoring, so he is on antibiotics and feeling terrible. It's okay, it puts the focus on something else for me.

We are still going away this weekend, I think that it will be good for us instead of wallowing in self pity.

I will be better, like we always do, we will move on and get stronger again. Thank you all once again, I feel quite pathetic right now and I am sorry for whinging. I am still waiting for the ultimate betrayal of AF officially making her arrival, I can feel she's on her way but still keeping me hanging, damn cow!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Not in a good place....

I started spotting last night, it started off brown with mild AF cramps and then it was gone.

This morning it was red, no cramps and not really alot either. It hasn't gotten worse but is there on my panty liner and when I wipe.

I am terrified and I haven't stopped crying. I know that this doesn't need to mean that I am not pregnant, and that it can be quite normal but I just can't seem to think that this is good.

I have phoned the clinic and am waiting for them to phone me back, I know that they are going to tell me to relax and just carry on with the hormones until tomorrow. I'm afraid that I can't do that, I need to know today so I want to go for my beta this morning, it's been 13 days since my transfer so one day is not going to make much of a difference.

I can't do this, i'm making myself sick with worry and I really just need to know now.

Just got a call back, on my way for my beta, wish me luck girls.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

12dp3pt - 2 more sleeps!

It's 12dp3pt or 15 days past retrieval today and we have 2 more sleeps to go now. I am finding myself thinking about it all the time, non stop! I'm not sleeping well at night, when I do sleep then I don't stop dreaming about weird things and I am restless, slowly but surely this 2ww is starting to make me lose my mind (altho I have been told that you can't lose something you never had! ha - how rude!)

AF would officially be due today if this was any other cycle and so far there are no signs of her, I know that's she MIA partly because of the hormones making her stay away (although I do hope that it's because I'm pregnant too) but I did expect to get the odd pre-af cramp etc. and so far there's nothing....I'm hoping she's gone on a nice long vacation! I have also never been on prog.esterone for so long, normally I would have had my beta yesterday (on an IUI cycle) so would have stopped it already, AF usually come two days after stopping the meds so that would make 16dpo and I will only go for my beta on 17dpo this time round, can progestrone keep her away so long?

I do have the odd symptoms that are still making me think that I am pregnant, my boobs are still a bit bigger ~ the shooting pains that I was getting are gone now but have left them feeling tender, not sore but tender. You know, if I touch them they hurt. They are however more sore closer to my armpit, but my glands there do feel a bit swollen so maybe it's just that. Still no sore nips which I am happy about and that too is different. I am still as constipated as all hell but also know that this is thanks to the prog.esterone, everything else is sorta the same and the only other things I can add to my list is headaches, I don't normally get a lot of headaches, but have been getting them almost daily now. The next thing is Nausea, I am fine all morning, it hits me once I've had lunch, so for a while I just drink water and nothing else and eventually it just goes away. I don't have a particularly sensitive stomach either so the nausea is very different for me, I'm wondering if it's some kind of bug, surely it's too early for morning sickness?

I keep on wondering about all these things and even I am getting irritated with me because the hormones I am putting into my body could be causing all these "symptoms". What happens if I'm imagining all of this and the "feeling" is just one of self-preservation? What happens if I am indeed not pregnant? Oh Fuck, that's what.

Frank of-course thinks I am hillarious, he just smiles or laughs at me, telling me that everything will be okay. Oh and have I told you all how much I love my husband? The other night, when I was doing that "what if" thing again, he told me to stop worrying and that if I am not pregnant this time then we'll do an FET straight away and that I just need to look after myself. Now, let me tell you that I have thought about this cycle failing but I haven't, however, thought about doing and FET straight away, I just pressumed we'd wait because firstly ~ I don't know how ready I will be, secondly ~ I think they make you wait from a hormonal point of view and thirdly ~ it's another 10 grand and we've already spent 6 grand more than we were bargaining on because of the ICSI and freezing. Anyway, I love him for thinking so far ahead and telling me that it will all be okay. I know it will, it may just take some time.

That's all the news I have really, I'm not that busy at work at the moment which really doesn't help at all. I'm sick of Dr. Google and he's sick of me, besides he's not telling me what I really want to know. Of-course I do know that I could just POAS and then I would know, but I do keep my promises, even tho it's not easy and besides that, i'm scared shitless of seeing only one line. I swore I'd never POAS again unless I knew there were going to be two lines, hopefully I'll get to see them real soon!

Monday, June 18, 2007

You are the sun...

As you can see, I am finding stoopid things to waste some time...here is one of them...couldn't resist!!! Funny that my ruling planet is the sun :)

You Are The Sun
You represent the best of life - vitality, success, and and truth.You tend to have a strong, centered, balanced personality.Inspiration and discovery are your fortes. You are very mentally strong.A talented mind, you tend to excel at math, philosophy, and music.
Your fortune:
As well as you have done in the past, the future is going to be filled with more success.A new creative project is coming your way. Feed it, and it will grow into something huge.Great riches, recognition, prosperity, or happiness is coming your way.And it's possible that a fantastic vacation, or a new baby, is coming sooner than you think.
What Tarot Card Are You?

10dp3dt - 4 more sleeps to go!!

And so I find myself on 13 days past retrieveal, which mean sthat AF would be due on Wednesday this week. I have my doubts that she will appear because No. 1....get this....I *think* i'm pregnant and No. 2....I'm on Estro.gen and Prog.esterone so that'll keep her away for a while anyway...I think?

My blood test will be done at about 9:30'ish on Friday and so I should know at about 10:30 the latest, we will wait at the clinic for the results as hopefully they'll need to give me more prog.esterone for the next 8 weeks (yeah, I'm begging for cylco.gest - have I lost my mind completely??). After that we will off to the Nat.al Mid.lands for the weekend to attend a wedding on Saturday night, we will stay Friday and Saturday and return on Sunday, hopefully it'll be a really good weekend apposed to a really shitty one. I'll admit, the timing is NOT perfect at all but this is one of the things we cannot plan for. I am hoping that I wont spend the weekend in a puddle of tears!

So by Friday I will be 14dp3dt which makes it 17 days past retrieval...that's a damn long wait if you ask me!!

Okay so, let me tell you why (whispering) *I think I'm pregnant*...
  1. I'm feeling different, I have a good feeling for a change, I just think I am...
  2. My boobs have really expanded their horizons, for once my hubby told me that my boobs look different - to put it into his words "huge"....nice one, so much for "no, your boobs don't look different..."
  3. I am getting wierd feeling pains in my boobs, sort of like a sticth shooting from the top to my nipple and then just like that, it's gone. My boobs are sore on the outside but not my nipple and not all the time...
  4. I am feeling quite bloated but that could also be because I'm still battling with my tummy...constipation central!
  5. I have spots ever popping up on my face, so much so that Frank is starting to call me "bumpy"
  6. My mom says that her "flower cards" say that there is a new arrival on it's way...I don't believe in that stuff but we'll see if she's right...
  7. I just feel strange....no signs of AF as yet but like I said before, I think the meds should keep her away...

And that's it, nothing really concreate to go on and I have been known to be wrong about it before, it could all be hormones or pre-AF symptoms. I am trying to stay positive and am feeling much better than I expected to at this point, even Frank commented that he thought I'd be worse....4 more sleeps to go!!

It helps that little Bumble thinks I am too, it's helps to have everyone's good feelings all thrown into one! Bumble also wants to know if I am tempted to POAS and it would be easy, at least I would know, but there is a little part of me that is scared that it's bad news so I'll keep my promise and wait until my beta, we've come this far, what's another few days?

So with that, we're still waiting...

Thursday, June 14, 2007

The 2ww and my perfect little girl...

It’s been a while since I last posted and it’s not because I am trying to stay away, I actually was in the middle of a “pathetic little me” post on Tuesday when a sub-station (power plant) in the area blew up, as a result of this our company and most of the surrounding area have not had power for two days….much fun!!

However, you can count yourselves lucky for the power failure, you missed the “pathetic little me” post and now I am feeling much much better!! To be honest I am still thinking about everything that made me feel not so good but it’s just not as bad once you get used to the idea.

Life has been a bit of a rollercoaster, doing IVF will do that to you, constant ups and downs; the sleepless nights; the weird dreams and the uncertainty of the whole thing is not that much fun. So, once I had my perfect little embies put back I was feeling much better, so relieved and really looking forward to that positive BFP, I was on cloud 9 ~ walking around like some IF newbie thinking that there was no question that this would end in a BFP…..

….and then, somehow, with no notice at all ~ I fell off my cloud…

….and came down to earth with a crash!!

All of a sudden it hit me. It hit me that this might not actually work and I was terrified, I didn’t sleep that night, I tossed and turned thinking about how I am going to deal with this, how the hell would I deal with a failed IVF cycle, I mean hello….IVF is supposed to work, it’s the big “MOTHER FUCKER OF FERTILITY TREATMENTS!!” but I am not that na├»ve, I finally realized that I should at least prepare myself for the worst and I was devastated. I mean really, everything has gone so well, something has to go wrong, this is really too good to be true. Tuesday carried on the same with me feeling sorry for myself, and it resulted in the “pathetic little me” post.

I am however feeling much better since then, Frank and I had a heart to heart about it and he told me that we would deal with it together and that finally it doesn’t need to be “too good to be true”. I need to keep the faith, we really do have a good shot at this and if it doesn’t work then we will pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off!!

It has been 6 days since my transfer, that makes it 9 days since my retrieval so technically I might be able to get a double line on a HPT but instead I find myself half way through the 2ww with another week still to go. I have promised my husband that I will not be using any HPT’s and so I will keep my promise as hard as it is (I must be losing my mind, I’m actually thinking of POAS ~ I hate the damn things!!)

On the symptom front, it’s very hard to tell what could be a symptom when you are on Prog.esterone and Estro.gen because it’s very hard to feel normal. My boobs are just a bit sore, sometimes more than others (this also depends on how many times I grope them a day), they also feel huge and are popping out my bra’s, I’m terribly constipated, I am getting pimples on my chest and face (lovely look for me) and I’ve had a couple of twinges (on days 3, 4 and 5 after transfer) in my lower abdomen which have since disappeared. The bloating has finally gone down so I feeling a bit more normal in my clothes. I think that if I read through previous posts, I could tell you that I’ve had all these things before so I am clueless as to whether my little two have implanted or not.

I am counting the days until my beta and praying all the time. My sweet friend Bumble has been a wonderful support (as usual) and tells me that we have an excellent chance of getting that BFP. I hope that she is right and that we can have our babies close together!

A friend of mine had her baby boy yesterday and as good friends do, we went to see them in hospital last night. Let me tell you that this little thing is too precious, I held him for ages while he just slept in my arms. Frank held him too and my heart was aching for our own baby. They are such perfect little creatures, a real miracle. I dreamt that I had my own baby last night, just one…my perfect little girl.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

2 days into the wait...

Well, it's only two days into the wait and so far so good, I have been trying to to think about it too much but I do find myself looking at my tum and wondering what's going on in there, hoping and praying that my "little two" are growing and getting ready to implant soon, they should have loads of cells by now!!

I really don't have any interesting news at all actually, i must say tho that IVF certainly does make you feel a bit different - I am very bloated and have sore boobies, but I have this since my retrieval so I know not to obsess about it but I definately have noticed that your body doesn't feel the same as when you've gone through a normal cycle.

I was reading comments on my blog yesterday and came across a comment from Erin, so as one normally does, I went to check out her blog to find that she had written a little blurb about something I said in my post, I actually feel a bit bad (i'm sure she wasn't aiming at that) because I didn't explain myself correctly when telling you guys about the 6 celled embie...so, I went and looked it up and I was correct but just didn't say it right...so, now I am trying to explain myself clearly (with pics for your viewing pleasure)....

I have found this: A normal zygote (1 day after fertalisation) should look like this:
2 pronuclei are seen - A polar body is at one o'clock - The upper pronucleus contains maternal DNA and the lower pronucleus contains paternal DNA
An abnormal zygote would look like this but can still carry on growing:
3 pronuclei are seen in the center of the cell - Each pronucleus contains 23 chromosomes -This embryo has 69 chromosomes instead of the normal 46

I haven't been able to find a pic of a zygote with only one pronucleus, basically our embryo should have had 46 chromosomes but ended up with 23 and shouldn't have gone any further, there are doctors who would transfer these embryo's and see what happens but I think that most of the time they would result in a blighted ovum type pregnancy (I may be wrong tho). There are cases where the zygote has 3 pronuclei and one was removed, these can go on to be normal pregnancies and babies.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is...yes, we are lucky, our Dr's do go into detail with us and I think that they just think it's better, we had 16 eggs and wanted to know what happened to the other 11 and so they told us, I think it's great. I also want to say that my Dr did not say that it was a freak of nature at all, he just said that he didn't think that it was suitable to use, I called it a freak of nature.

Erin sweetie, I really feel for you, your Dr does sound like he doesn't give you all the information you require, some Dr's do that, I've been to many. IVF is a huge thing, maybe think of changing your Dr if you can? The reason your embryo's didn't take or weren't good quality could be totally different to the reasons some of ours didn't, if you need to know then tell him to tell you straight out what the problems were? Thanks for the well wishes, I truly pray your next IVF goes better....Hugs xxx

Anyway, with that cleared up - I'm off to the couch!! Love to you all....

Friday, June 8, 2007

My little two...

I'm back from the transfer and am happy to say that everything went very well today. We met with the Dr. first and had a look at pics of our little embies, it was so nice to see. They didn't give me pics of them but said that I can get them if I bring them a fla.sh disk but he also suggested that we get that BFP first and I suppose he's right.

He said that our embies were "excellent" grade, they were all well rounded and had no fragmentations...i'll post a pic of them after my BFP ~ how's that for positive thinking!!

He showed us all 7 but also told us why he thought 2 weren't suitable for IVF, one was doing very well, infact it had about 6 cells in it but it had started off with only one cell (can't remember how he explained it) but basically he said that it didn't have a cell from the mother and the father to begin with but continued to grow (a bit of a freak of nature) so we couldn't use that one. The other one hadn't made any progress, it was in the progress of making another cell and stopped so was questionable. He explained what happened to the rest and I can't really remember it all but there was also one that had allowed two sperm to get into it which is not right either...wierd stuff.

We spoke to him about putting three in and he said that given my age and the grade of the embies he really didn't want to take that chance, he said that I would be high risk if I fell pregnant with tripletts and prolly wouldn't be able to carry them far enough. I succumbed because it has been on my mind quite a bit and agreed to put the two best embies back.

We put a 9 celled embie and a 8 celled embie back, they have given us a 60% chance of achieving a single pregnancy and a 40% chance of twins!! Woo hoo. The transfer wasn't bad at all, a bit like an IUI just a lot slower as they are more carefull, they did give me a pic of the scan as they injected the embies into my uterus which I will see if I can post next week. I cried a bit once it was done, they were happy tears off-course, my little embies are back where they are supposed to be!!

We had three left that we have chosen to freeze, they were all a bit slower than the two we put back and were all 4 celled embies. If we choose to use them one day then they will thaw them for two days before putting them back anyway which will give them a chance to grow.

I start my estra.pause tomorrow and carry on with folic acid, baby asprin (never been on that before but they recommended it) and prog.esterone until my beta and hopefully for the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy due to my prog dificiency.

My beta is on the 22nd June, it's gonna be a long two weeks ladies...but I feel very positive, hopefully hope sticks around!!

Frank has already told me to take it easy, I have been told that there are to be:
No HPT's (I never use the damn things anyway, but maybe he thinks this is different)
No taking of temps (which I stopped months ago)
And....No, your boobs don't look bigger.....he's a funny guy!!

Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts, here's to that BFP!!

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Fert report #2

Lucky number 7 is today's mantra!! One of the ICSI ones never made it through the night, 7 is good tho, better than I could wish for actually.

I asked them about the grading and whether they were dividing on time etc and they said that the Dr. would discuss that with us in the morning...I can't wait!! They must be good, please let them be good :)

We have to be there at 8am tomorrow and then we'll see the Dr and discuss everything and how many we putting back and freezing etc, I think the transfer will only be done after 9'ish.

Everything down below is feeling much better now, still got a bit of backache and if I rub my tummy too hard then I can feel that it's still not 100% but it's all good. Only had a little bit of brown spotting which I was pleased about.

I really have a good feeling about our little 7, I know it's early but I'm starting to feel like we are getting closer to the end of our long journey, am I pushing my luck hoping that my first IVF works?? It seems a little cheeky to me actually but I can't help but look around blogland and see that it's worked for others....so why not us?? Everything has been moving along really well through this IVF, I'm scared to hope that it's all been too good, but maybe this is just what we needed?

Okay so, we have a +- 50% fert rate which means that the fertilsation maybe wasn't the problem, maybe it was my tubes, the acidity or even the endo...don't think we'll ever know but I'm thinking that the sperm and egg just never got to meet, I mean really...like I was saying to Frank yesterday, out of 27 cycles....if the sperm and egg where meeting surely something would have happened? Anyway, it really doesn't help over-analysing things (it's one of those I AM things about me tho), right now...I am just extremely happy that things are going well. It's so nice to see my husband happy and relaxed too, he keeps on telling that I'm going to be his pregnant wife soon :) How sweet...thank you babe! I'm praying that you right!

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately, IVF has a way of making you think, this is definately a stressfull process, the waiting to see if your little embies survive the night is really hard, I'm thinking this 2ww is going to be madness!! I feel so helpless, everytime I think about them I want to be there, to watch them grow and just know that everything is okay, it's wierd knowing that Frank and I have finally created something together and it's growing outside of me right now....it's strange, I already feel protective and want them all to be okay...obviously I know that we wont have 7 children out of them and that makes me sad too.

I feel a bit wierd saying all this stuff out loud, but I know that you girls will understand, it's all just so overwhelming. I love my husband so much just thinking that part of him and me have finally come together (not that I don't always love him but this is a special thing for me), I am so proud of our little embies for doing there thing, I can only hope and pray that we get some babies out of our precious little 7!

Will let you know how tomorrow goes...till then :)

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Fert report #1

Well all I can say is that was one of the longest nights ever, I woke up every hour thinking about our little embies and praying that they would be okay.
I finally plucked up the courage to phone them at about 10 past 10 this morning and you'll all be happy to know that this was the first time I've cried since my retrieval, I was soooo nervous, this is hard-core stuff!!
Our first fert report went as follows:
Out of 16 retrieved, 10 were done the normal IVF way and 6 with ISCI..
4 fertalised normally and we've got 2 possibles from the IVF batch
1 fertalised normally and we've got 1 possible from the ICSI batch
So that's 5 normal and 3 possibles, I am praying that all 8 carry on doing their thing to make nice strong embies!!
I couldn't be happier, of-course I know that we still have 2 nights to go until transfer but so far so good eh? The ICSI result was a bit surprising as I expected more to fertalise with ICSI than natrually but there you have it...things are not always as they seem.
Frank is so sweet and stayed with me until I phoned them, that was great as I just cried when I got off the phone, he just held me and told me that it was excellent news and that we've done very well and we have, we going to have a baby out of these embies, I can feel it in my waters!!
I must also say that the staff at Vita.lab are wonderfull, they made me feel so at ease yesterday and I wasn't in a rush to get out of there like I normally am, this morning the nurse was so sweet and told me to carry on drinking water, using my meds and try and relax because I've done very well. When I came out of theatre yesterday they had written on my hand...."16 eggs, well done" with a little smiley face...that really made my day!
Well girls, that's about it from me, I am still feeling a bit bloated and sore but i'm sure this will go away in the next few days (thanks for the advice on staying home Sarah, you were right)
Thanks for all your love and support guys, it really does help having so many wonderfull people in my corner! Hugs for all of you.
On another note, you will all be happy to hear that Bumble is doing just fine, enjoying her time away and it also looks like she's getting a bit of the old morning sickness, she's 6wks1day today and things are moving along nicely....Thank you God.
Stay tuned for tomorrow report on Frank and Tam's little embies....we already love them!

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

They got 16!!

Today is a good day!! I am back from my retrieval and am very happy to report that they got 16 eggs!! Frank and I are both very pleased.
I slept through the whole thing and was a bit sore when I came out...feels a bit like very bad period pain. Feeling okay now just tired and bloated and just a little crampy but it was all worth it!!
They have decided to do ICSI on some of the eggs even tho the sperm quality was good today, they didn't say how many so we'll see what they say tomorrow. I have to phone them at 10am tomorrow for the fertalisation report so I'll let you all know then. I am praying that we get a good fert rate and that everything goes okay until they can be put back.
I start my progesterone tomorrow already, twice daily....thought it was a bit strange that they start you on it before the transfer but I'm not questioning anything as I'm sure they know what they are doing!!
Please pray that my little embies do their thing and that tomorrow brings good news, for now...I'm off to shower and then the couch!!

Monday, June 4, 2007

It's almost time...

Hey gals, thanks for all your lovely comments about my liddle follies....and for sending "growing follie vibes" - it seemed to do the trick. As of yesterday, there where still 13 dominant follies mostly measuring between 18mm and over 20mm, there were a another bunch that have come up but they never measured them so I suppose tomorrow might be a surprise!! My lining was a nice 10.7!!! I don't think i've ever had such a nice thick lining before!

I triggered at 8pm last night, so my last stim was Saturday and my last Lucrin was yesterday morning...I had one more set of bloods this morning to check my progesterone post trigger numbers and so now I wait for tomorrow morning and no more needles for a while....woo hoo!!
I go in at 7 and they'll prep me and everything for retrieval at 8am sharp!! I'm feeling okay actually, I haven't really thought about it too much and slept okay last night, the pain is a bit strange today, was worse last night but seems to have moved a bit lower today. I am at work finishing everything off in case I'm not feeling too hot after the retrieval.

Transfer will be on Friday so it will be a 3 day transfer which is fine with me. We spoke to the doctors about ICSI yesterday and have decided to wait until tomorrow to see how many eggs we get and what quality the sperm is - so I'll let you know what we decided to do after the retrieval.

Our clinic makes you wait 13 days until your beta so if nothing changes then my beta will be on 21st June, not a bad day to find out that you're pregnant hey!! I'm trying to be really positive about all this but must say that I am not looking forward to this 2ww!! To answer your question Leah....nope, I wont be POAS at all, I do have one at home but will try and stay away from it, I hate those damn things!!

Last reflexology session tonight aswell to just get them all ready....I'll let you all know how the retrieval goes...wish me luck!!

Friday, June 1, 2007

Once upon a time there were 13 liddle follies...

Yup...that's correct ladies...we have 13 liddle follies on the go!! They are measuring from 12mm and 13mm so still have a little way to go, my lining was a lovey 9.3mm so that's good too!! I have 6 follies on my left ovary and 7 on my right (I'll never say I have lazy right ovary - ever never ever again!!)

Of-course I have no idea how they even count the damn things, it seems so fast and I'm sure that they can't count all of them anyway so I suppose the retrieval will reveal all...so to speak.

I had to have E2 bloods again today to see if that's still within range and then they would decide whether to increase/decrease my dosage, bloods came back (don't ask as they didn't tell) and they decided to keep me on 225iu for the next two days, next scan is on Sunday. Woohoo, I get to sleep in tomorrow!!

Sunday will be day 9 of stims and I'm sure it will be trigger day too but if it's not it's okay as we've paid for 10 days of stims anyway, I'm also going for reflexology tomorrow so she work her magic and then we'll see what Sunday brings, I must say that I am very pleased with my ovaries and very excited to see what the next few days bring.

I hardly slept last night, I tossed and turned all night worrying about what today would bring, I didn't expect such good results, I was up early this morning....(**WARNING TMI**) and nearly shat myself (it was a good thing I was on the toilet having a pee) when I got a huge chuck of EWCM when I wiped, now that really worried me and I thought that maybe they had left things too late and my eggs where about to explode, luckily I was wrong again. I'm still getting loads of EWCM now and I don't think i've ever seen so much of the stuff in my life before, I sms'ed my sweet friend Bumble who told me that it was okay - I love her to bits, she's such a sweetie and always there when I need her!

Okay, enough of that....today, I am happy and excited!! Roll on Sunday!!