Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Lost.....

Can’t believe it’s over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I only knew
The days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were cryin'

Summer turned to winter
And the snow, it turned to rain
Then the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognize the girl you are today
And God I hope it's not too late
It's not too late

Cuz you are not alone
I’m always there with you
And we’ll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
When you feel like you’re done
And the darkness has won
Babe you’re not lost

When your world’s crashing down
And you can’t bear the thought
I said babe you’re not lost

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you’ve gone crazy
But you’re not
Though things have seemed to change
There’s one thing that’s still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly, fly, fly away

Cuz you are not alone
I am there with you
And we’ll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
When you feel like you’re done
And the darkness has won
Babe you’re not lost

When your worlds crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said baby you’re not lost

Mmmm yeah yeah, yeah yeah,
I said baby you’re not lost.
I said baby you’re not lost.
Oh yeah, yeah
I said baby you’re not lost.

With just days left to go on BCP, everything feels almost surreal. I have booked Frank’s SA for Friday so they should get back to us on Friday afternoon as to whether we carry on with this cycle or not.

I’m still feeling positive, I’m ready for this now and I pray daily that Frank’s SA comes back fine. While I'm so looking forward to this IVF, my life is in shambles, I feel so lost….everytime I hear this song, I cry…I am so thankful for my husband who is the only one that keeps me sane when I feel like my world is falling apart.

It’s the same old story, my folks have split up after 35 years of marriage and try as I might, I am always stuck in the middle. I haven’t even told them that I’m doing IVF right now, I can’t cope with them or their pity. It’s really hard, I’ve never had the best relationship with them anyway because somehow, they always manage to turn my world upside down instead of making things better.

Frank thinks that I need time and that we should put our IVF off as he’s worried about how I’m going to cope with the stress, I don’t want to. The only thing that will stop me is if Frank’s SA results come back dodgy (which they wont).

As things stand, life goes on and I keep popping BCP and looking forward, knowing that I am not lost.

12 comments:

Charne Trollip said...

O Tam that was a beautiful post.. i am so glad that you looking forward to this IVF despite all that is going on in your life at the moment... thinking of you and glad you not feeling lost

xxx

Elize said...

Hi Tam, I'm praying with you that your hubby's SA results are great. I'm so sorry you are going through a tough time at the moment. Wishing you all the best for your IVF.
Love and hugs
Elize

theclam said...

Tam, boy do I know about being stuck between folks who split up after years and years of marriage. It happened to me two and a half years ago. Try not let them suck you into their shit. You need to focus on your IVF (cos Franks SA will come back just great). You're in my thoughts and prayers my friend.

Sarah said...

i think you're absolutely right to go ahead with the cycle regardless of your parents. it's really good to have some positive motion in life, and i'm glad you can spend that emotional energy on you instead of all that crap. i'm hoping for a great SA, and as always wishing the best for you!

Kate said...

I am so sorry to hear about your parents. I will be keeping you in my thoughts.

Martha said...

Sorry to hear about your parents. I send my best wishes for Frank's fellas to be super swimmers!

Mands said...

Hi Tam, I popped onto your blog to catch up. I am so sorry about your parents - it's not an easy thing no matter how old you are.
I have every hope that the IVF goes better than well and that you have something to smile about really soon.
Just thought I should let you know as well that Debs is pregnant.
Love
Mands xx

Bumble said...

Oh Tambo, I just want to reach over the sea and give you such a big squeeze... So sorry things are getting you down, I wish I could help. I'm thinking of you every day and praying that things work out and that you have a lovely rainbow at the end of this tough time. Lots of love xxx

Bugged said...

Love that song...

Sorry about your parents, that must boild up a lot of issues. It's tough when broken love comes so close to one. We all wish to believe that love always lasts forever. When the contrary comes squating on our doorstep we don't quite know what to do with it.

Hang in there girl...we move forward and we deal with our circumstances as best we possibly can, nothing more, nothing less - that's life! No regrets, just life.

Leah said...

Oh Tam, I'm sorry that you are so sad. My parents split up after 23 years and it was rough, but truly for the best. I hope that everyone in your family involved eventually comes to peace with the decision.

I'm hopeful for this cycle for you. I will be praying faithfully and truly cannot wait until the day we get to celebrate your great news.

Carrie said...

My parents split after 30 years, very unexpectedly. I know how difficult it is to be in this position even as an adult. It was so awful.
In a way I think it makes the IVF even more important. We never know what life will throw at us next so we have to follow our hearts.
I am so sorry life is so difficult right now, I hope this IVF is the turning point for you both xx

stickybun07 said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your parents. It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate right now. I hope that the SA comes back great, and that this cycle brings joy, not more stress.

thinking of you.