Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Getting there...

We are 3 Meno.pur down, 11 more to go until Frank's repeat SA and so far so good!

I am happy to report that there haven't been any nasty side effects, it's wierd having your husband on hormones! He is a bit more outspoken and easily annoyed but nothing I can't handle....

It's been a wierd transition, it's taken some time to come to terms with not doing IVF straight away, I find myself thinking about how far i'd be on my stimms and the fact that I would be having my ER this week already but that I think it's very normal to feel a bit cheated. It's hard trying to prepare yourself for something only for it not to happen...

I've been keeping to myself a lot lately, trying to sort out my thoughts and feelings, trying to start the healing process. My friendships have unfortunately taken a back seat and I'm not quite sure that everyone understands exactly what it is that is happening, I know that some wont understand and that some will, I do worry about the frienships that can't be fixed, the ones that wont survive me finding myself again.

I know i'm cutting myself off, I haven't spoken to my family in the last 2 weeks - I've told them that I need time to deal with everything, time to deal with this cross that is mine to bare....they don't understand either, I think they think that I'm being selfish by not helping them deal with their issues because this is something that I have never done. I've always been there and while it was for them, it was just so bad for me. I'm taking a time out people, I'm taking time to concentrate on Frank and I, on our hopes and dreams and those that want to understand and be patient are very welcome to come along for the ride.

I have lots to look forward to, my little Abigail will be born any day now! Abigail will be our first pet - a little english bull.dog. I will get her the week before my 30th birthday, I can't tell you how excited we are!!! We've been waiting for her for a while now, we found a breeder about a month ago who told us that they were expecting a litter and so we have been waiting, i'll get her when she's about six weeks old....

Frank's SA will be done at the end of the 5th week of his treatment, so for now i'll stay on BCP. When this pack is finished I'll start taking the active pills on the next pack and skip the withdrawel bleed so that I can stop them at any time. If the SA results come back better then I'll stop BCP and start stimms. Frank will stay on the Meno.pur until my ER - if all works out then I should have my transfer the week before my 30th birthday too, so at least I'll have little Abi to keep me company during my 2ww, that should help keep me calm!!

So all in all, we're getting there.....slowly but surely....

7 comments:

Martha said...

Good for you for taking the time to heal. Congratulations on your puppy, English Bulldogs are so cute. Sending my best.

Leah said...

Sorry to hear about the delay, but it sounds like it's for a good reason -- and it gives you a little more time to come to terms with your parents' situation. You absolutely need to look out for yourself first, otherwise you won't have anything left to give to all the other folks who need you.

I hope that your 30th birthday is fabulous -- with a new puppy and some beautiful embryos nestling down in for the long 9 months. I will have everything crossed and will think of you each day. xoxo

Charne Trollip said...

so glad Frank has not had bad side effects from the menopur... really hope all goes well with the next SA and that you can start your ivf then

cannot wait to see little Abi

theclam said...

Tam, it is good that you are taking time out to heal completely and to focus on your marriage and getting to know you again. I think that if ppl are not able to be flexible enough to understand that you need time apart from them, then they are not true friends and are not worthy of the time you spend on that relationship.

Glad Frank is not having major side effects from the menopur ;)

I'm with you all the way my friend! Anytime you want to chat, vent or just be alone you holler - ok?

Amber said...

I understand how it is to need to be able to focus on what you are going through. Best of luck with the SA. I hope you will be able to proceed as planned.

Kahla said...

Congratulations on your English Bulldog, we have one and she has been the best furbaby ever! I just found your blog today (we are going through IVF#4) and wanted to wish you luck!

Sarah said...

i think it's great that you know you need the time for you. i hope it's restorative.

we got jack just before i turned 30 too and it just felt right, WEIRD that it's almost 5 years now!

best wishes for good news on frank. take care!!