Monday, June 9, 2008

....And the fun never stops!

Today is CD2 and so today is the day I should start stimms....yes....well, actually....no.

We have decided to put our IVF on hold. Not an easy decision to make at all, because this was all our decision. VL are telling us that things should be fine, we aren't so convinced. For once in my life i'm going with my gut feel and my gut feel tells me that I need to wait.

Frank's SA came back fine (according to the lovely Dr V) - his count was 22mil per ml (they are looking for anything over 20mil), morphology was 3% and motility at 30%, Dr V wasn't too thrilled about the motility (they prefer it to be 50% or above) and said that something called a "wet prep" was in order just to double check it. He also wanted Frank's FSH re-tested. So on saturday I went into VL to fetch my hubby a speciman jar for this morning, while I was there I sat with our co-ordinator and went thru the last SA.

Our last SA was as follows: 119ml per ml, 6% morphology and 50% motility - big change.

I went home to chat to Frank, I wasn't happy with the drastic change and neither was he and so we came to the conclusion that staying on birth control for another month (or two) might not be a bad thing in order to let the boys recover a bit because it's quite obvious that the infection and fever affected them. So going with the figures made it easy to decide, there is a lot on the line here, should we have gone into it without reconsidering and it failed, we would have blamed the poor SA and we would have worried about every FET we did after that. This way, we are trying to give ourselves a better shot....

Unfortunately things are always cut and dry, today I feel unsure, I second guess our decision - it's hard leading up to something and then having to wait. It's also hard that we are the ones the have made this decision, while our clinic keeps on telling us that this sperm is good enough for IVF. I'm not in a good place as it is, it would have been easier for me to deal with (emotionally) if we were told to wait. For a change, i'm letting logic win and not my emotions.

We're doing the right thing here, please tell me we are. Tell me that you would do this too, I have to keep on reminding myself that this is the right thing to do, it doesn't make sense to do it until we have better sperm....having it fail is far worse than waiting a month or two, there's too much to think about here.

I'm also all over the place with everything else that's happening in my life and so maybe this is a blessing in disguise. As sweet Sam put it yesterday - maybe this is god's way of giving me time to deal with my folks splitting up.

So, there you have it, another month of BCP, sorry for getting you all excited for nothing!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh Tam, I am sorry that it wasn't a go for this month. I think that you are doing the right thing. I have been thinking of you all day and hoping all would be ok. I can only imagine how frustrating it is but as you say, maybe letting the boys rest & re-group is the best thing to do. Has your DH been on Staminagro before? If not, maybe worthwile? I look forward to seeing your starting dates for the next cycle soon! Love Suzanne

Martha said...

Good for you for trusting your instincts. Your stress level isn't conducive to the best clinical outcome, regardless of all other factors. I hope the time goes quickly. Thinking of you both.

J. Nelson said...

Your smart to trust yourself. You know they can do better. They have ways of getting the guys where they need to be, but the guys need to up for job. Take this time to get things done you can't do when your prepping for pregnancy.

For me, I'm putting a fresh coat of paint in the living room. That should keep me busy for at least 2wks.

JJ said...

Tam, sweetie--you do what you feel is best for you all--and this certainly sounds like the best thing. Im so proud of you for listening to your gut and going with what you all need right now. You are in my thoughts! Here if you need me=) Love to you!

Elize said...

Hi Tam, I think you're making the right decision, we should all learn to listen to our instincts. I'm so proud of you! Wish I had done the same in years gone by!

Amber said...

The most important thing in all of this is to have no regrets..no what if's. SO wait and do it when your gut feels right.

anna said...

I think you're doing the right thing if that's what your gut is telling you to do. With DH's recent infection and not stellar SA AND with the time you should be taking to deal with what's going on in your family, I think this is the best decision. That way, when the time is right, you'll be able to put your best foot (and sperm) forward! Thinkin about you and hoping for the best, regardless of when you start this next cycle!

Bugged said...

Good for going with your gut!

It's the only way to fly!

Bumble said...

You had to do what you feel is right otherwise you'd forever think "what if" if something didn't go well. You have to be in it 150% emotionally to survive so good on you for going with your gut. It would have been too easy to dive right in but your head is doing the thinking. What you feel is right, is right. Love me xxx