What will be...will be...

I have typed a post about 3 times over the past 7 days, I haven’t been able to comment on anyone’s blogs or post because the damn internet at work is giving me grief. I’ve been so busy/tired after hours that I haven’t been near the computer at home either, so tonight I'm just letting you all know I am thinking of all of you and hope that things are well, no matter where you are in your journeys!! I will make some time on Wednesday or Thursday to come over and say Hi!

I thought maybe I’d get to it this weekend but my husband decided to test his flying skills and fall of a ladder on Saturday….luckily nothing is broken, he’s just a bit battered and bruised and has a bad wrist sprain which will heal in time….so needless to say, my weekend was pretty interesting!!

I have been battling between feeling hopefull and very doubtfull for the past few days, I’ve been tearfull and impossible to live with for a while and I must say that I am still quite nervous for my Beta on Wednesday…but as I was thinking about things this morning in the shower, I thought….What will be will be.

I’ve also been trying not to imagine any symptoms, the ones I am having…well, I am trying desperately not to pay attention to any of them because as we all know, progesterone is a wicked witch…she gives us hope even when there is no hope to give.

Here is a list of the strange “symptoms” I have having:

• Terrible lower back ache – been trying to remember if I have perhaps hurt it???
• Abdominal cramping – more on the left hand side, a bit strange…been wondering if the egg even released….
• Strange boobie pain – on and off shooting pains in boobies, they not always sore just feel a bit different, a constant reminder that they are there…
• Outbreak of pimples – I look like a teenager – not funny!

And last but not least…

• Purple nipples….yes, yes…you read right. I can’t ever remember seeing my nipples look like this, even Frank commented on how strange they look, the middle piece (not the whole nipple) is very dark (almost purple) and when I rub them then they return to normal (way too much info…I know)…it’s just very very weird.

Anyway, that’s it….all of the above can mean anything….anything but pregnancy, so now we wait, I am 12dpo today and so there’s only two days to wait until we know if we are doing IVF or not….scary stuff this!

To top everything off, Frank will be away on Wednesday all day and Wednesday night, oh yay….so I get to face the Beta and the results without him, I’m sure that I’ll be okay…it’s just that I would really prefer him to be home, he is my rock and understands what I need so well.

Frank and I have also decided to go straight ahead into IVF it this cycle fails, so when I'm there on Wednesday, before I even have my results, I am going to talk to the IVF nurses about what they need from me if we are going to do IVF, if it’s bloods then I’ll go on CD2 again so that they can decide what protocol they will use for me, if it’s birth control then I’ll start it straight away and we’ll sort out our finances during the weeks that I’m outa action. I feel much better knowing that we have a plan – a real plan!! (Although I’m still scared shitless!!)

Thanks to Sticky bun for thinking of me and I am hoping that I can give all you IUI ladies some hope...3rd time lucky they say....we'll see about that!! A special thanks to Sarah and Mands for their helpfull e-mails and for tryna keep me sane through this 2ww, you are darlings!!

While you’re out and about, please pop in by Bumble – she has unfortunately just had her first failed IVF, please send her your love. I am so sorry sweetie, you are in my heart and prayers always, Thank you for being my very special friend.