Wednesday, October 3, 2007

False alarm...

Okay, so temp did a nose dive this morning, I can feel AF gearing up all of a sudden. Very wierd stuff this.
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I'm okay, I must be honest and say that I was praying so hard before I looked at my temp this morning, and my heart dropped down to my stomach and I felt that same old feeling of failure as I looked at my temp. I didn't cry, I got out of bed and got on with my day. I thought about it all the time tho, while I was doing my make up, choosing something to wear, just a sadness that I don't need to explain and as I sit here typing this, I really want to cry but I'm NOT going to.
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I'm not going to cry because I let myself get excited...
I'm not going to cry because every time this happens I feel like a failure...
I'm not going to cry because I let hope in the door...
I'm not going to cry because I find this so unfair...
I'm not going to cry because this really wasn't necessary, I really didn't need this right now, I've been feeling so good, so positive and so hopefull for my FET...
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Instead I am going to choose be put this behind me, to look forward to a brighter, better future. I am choosing to not let this get me down, I am choosing to have faith and hope and to believe in something much bigger than all of this.
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AF should be here either today or tomorrow which means my CD2 scan is coming up shortly, i'm trying not to think that there is something strange going on in there, I'm trying to be positive and tell myself that everything is going to be perfect and that i'll be able to start my FET cycle soon.
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So girls, all is not lost...yes, so i got a little dirty falling down again, put i'm picking myself up and dusting myself off, looking forward to this next cycle and hoping and praying that we will be celebrating a bit more before christmas this year!
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Thank you all for you wonderful support and comments, you all rock!

11 comments:

butterflyanla said...

Sorry Tam, but at least you have a plan. Things are always better with a plan even if they don't always seem that way initially. Sending hope your way. Hang in there.

Foreverhopeful said...

So sorry Tam... but I admire your attitude and strength. My cycles were always wonky after a failed cycle. And I just stopped trusting in my body. I had the longest and oddest cycles after... so I think sometimes are body just needs so adjust back after all those hormones/drugs. Lets hope both our FET's brings us our miracles. I'm with you on that.. I want to put my hope and faith in my FET's as well. Good luck to you and I'll be cheering you on.

ultimatejourney said...

Oh, Tam, I'm very sorry. I'm very hopeful about your FET.

JJ said...

Sorry for the dip=( But you know I have HIGH hopes for the FET=)

Waiting Amy said...

Tam, I am always amazed at your sweetness and hopefullness. You have such a lovely spirit.

Sorry you got a little dirty (te he, you were dirty :), but glad that you are still hoping and moving forward.

I have high hopes for your FET!

Mands said...

Aw Tambo, I have been so wrapped up in my own cycle. I am so sorry for the disappointment. I do admire your courage though. Just remember that there is a time and season for everything, so if you need to feel sad about this then go ahead my friend... it cleanses the soul. I have very very high expectations for your FET, I am praying that God will bless you this time around. You are such a gentle and kind soul, any child would be so lucky to call you mommy.
(((Hugs))) Mands xx

stickybun07 said...

Tam, you're always so inspiring. I give you so much credit. I'm sorry about this month, but ever hopeful for the FET.

Also, I wanted to thank you so much for checking in. I had been feeling so mute I didn't know what to do, and your note meant a lot. :-)

Baby Blues said...

I love your attitude. But there's nothing wrong with crying. Just let it all out. It feels much better than keeping it in. This too shall pass Tam. Hang in there. It will happen, just believe.

I just sent you 'my journey's soundtrack' cd via snail mail. Let me know once you get it.

Bumble said...

You know how sad I was to hear your news after all we talked about and it really looked so promising. Again, I'm sorry this has happened to you again Tam. I too am holding out all hope for those two little embies waiting in the ice for you. And I pray every day that one or both of them will turn into your little bundle of joy. Hang in there, and good luck for the scan today. xxxx

Leah said...

I'm sorry, she is truly a cruel bitch sometimes. I wish we didn't live a world apart, I very much want to give you a nice, long hug right now.

I'll be sending bucketfuls of hope and faith your way. Please, oh please, oh please let this cycle be the one for you.

anna said...

I'm sorry, Tam. Each month is another struggle with the feeling that it's one's personal failure...I know you know it deep in your heart, but this is not your failure! There is a baby waiting to be yours, it's just that you haven't opened the right door to that baby yet. I'm hoping this FET is it! Sending love and hugs your way!!!