Shingle bells, shingle bells!!

I thought that I was getting better and I am, the good days definately out-weigh the bad days but my body is telling a very different story.....I have shingles, now maybe not all of you know what shingles is....it starts off as rash and sometimes spreads, sometimes doesn't and so the rash started on Friday, but saturday I was very sure that something wasn't right and so I went to the Dr and was told that I have Shingles...here is Dr googles definition: http://www.medicinenet.com/shingles/article.htm for those of you that are interested...

As a result of the shingles, I have been told that all DIY plans are to be put on hold, I am NOT to fall pregnant while I still have the virus and especially not while I am on the anti-viral drugs which are quite strong and playing havoc with my body!

I am slowly on the mend, still feeling quite sore and very sorry for myself but I'm sure that by the end of the week I'll be better and hopefully 100% by christmas!!

In other news, I am sure that you can all remember this post about a very dear friend of mine who had her baby at the end of July, I phoned her on Saturday to cancel for Sunday's get-together because her little one is only 4 months old and I've been told to stay away from babies and pregnant women. So we chat for a while and she tells me that she's 9 weeks pregnant again, I nearly fell off my chair.

I am so happy for her, if you can recall she also went to Vitalab, has PCOS and so when she went for her 6 week check up her gynea told her that she wouldn't conceive on her own so they weren't using any protection and it just happened! Everything is fine so far and her baby is due 2 weeks before her little one's first birthday....can you believe it.

I'm okay, I cried for a while once I was off the phone, she said she feels bad becuase of what Frank and I are going through and I love her for thinking of us and I know that this isn't about me, my life is just different and it's not her fault. We all have our own crosses to bear and this is mine, it just makes my cross a little heavier and makes me sad but life carries on.

That's it from me girls, I am thinking of you all over this festive season and hope that you all get through it without too many tears. For those of you waiting for beta's, I hope that Santa brings you what you are wishing for. For those of you that are taking a break - next year will be better for all of us, we'll find the strength to start anew.

What is a mother....

I found this post on the new Forum that I am on, I have come to hate forum's on my IF journey, the people that you normally meet there have no clue and are so insensitive to your needs. They are the ones that complain about taking 3 whole months to conceive, they have no idea what real infertility is like.

But this forum is different, the women here all understand, many of them can't fall pregnant/stey pregnant without help, they are like you and I and are walking the very same road that we are all on. Some of them are even from my clinic so that is nice too. Should you wish to come have a look or need some extra support....please pop by....http://www.fertilicare.co.za/forum/index.php

When I read this I cried, this is for all of you who have lost a child through miscarriage or neonatal loss...my heart goes out to all you brave brave women, my very dear friends in blog-land....

What is a mother?

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked “What makes a Mother?”
And I know I heard him say.

“A Mother has a baby”
This we know is true
“But God can you be a Mother,
when your baby is not with you?”

“Yes, you can,” He replied
with confidence in his voice
“I give many women babies,
when they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
and others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
but there’s no need to stay.”

“I just don’t understand this God,
I want my baby to be here.”
He took a deep breath and cleared his throat,
and then I saw the tear.

“I wish I could show you
what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child’s smile,
with all the other children and say…

“We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much,
but I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
on her pillow’s were I lay...

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
and whisper in her ear.
‘Mommy don’t be sad today,
I’m your baby and I’m here.”

“So you see my dear sweet ones,
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
and this is where they’ll stay.

They’ll wait for you with Me,
until your lesson’s through.
And on the day that you come home
they’ll be at the gate for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother,
it’s the feeling in your heart.
It’s the love you had so much of
right from the very start.

Though some on Earth may not realise,
you are a Mother until their time is done.
they’ll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!”

IVF Follow up appointment...

Well hello, hello....it's been a while ~ mostly because I really haven't had much to say, you've heard it all before anyway. Thank you all for your special heartfelt comments on my last post, you are all sweethearts and I am glad that I have all of you!

Okay so let me tell you about my appt yesterday, I am feeling better, it doesn't take it away but I feel like I finally have closure and a new plan. Dr V is such a sweetie, I almost cried but didn't, you'll be proud of me :)

Okay, so they don't know why it didn't work, after all "this isn't an exact science"...my embryo's are "excellent" quality and I have good potential to make a baby he says, next time we wont do ICSI so we should have a better fertilisation rate and hopefully more embies.

It could be an implantation problem seeing as they grow well and everything runs smoothly until they are put back in me, we'll do the auto-immune testing just before the next IVF and from there they will be able to tell if I have clotting problems stopping the embies from implanting, if I do then they'll put me on low molecular weight heparin.

We'll also do a 5 day transfer, take the best half on day three and grow them to day 5 and freeze the rest, which Dr V is sure will give us a better chance seeing as they will be at blastocyst stage!!!

They will also change my protocol, no Lucrin (yay, yay and yay again...v evil stuff that!) BCP for one month, scan on CD2 to check that all is clear on the ovary front. Start Gonal F 225iu's a day (not Menopur this time which is rather different because I responded to Menopur well and Menopur contains LH whereas Gonal F is pure FSH) until day 5 then carry on with Gonal F and add another injection called probably Cetrotide. Gonal F for 9 days and then trigger on CD 10.

Also asked about DHEA, he says that lots of women use it but it has nasty side effects, oily skin, acne and hair growth since it is a male hormone. He doesn't recommend it and says that there is no evidence to prove that it works...so I think that I should stay away from that for now, he also says that I have no probelm getting eggs so I don't need it, maybe he is right, I would hate for him to say "I told you so" if I go ahead and do it...

He also says that it's not time to remove my endo yet as it wasn't that bad and seeing that they excise it, it grows back a lot slower.

He says that next time will be better, they have learnt alot about me from the last IVF so I hope that this next one results in a healthy pregnancy!

Now we just need to decide when to do the next one, I think I need to get through Christmas first and then think about it again, maybe start BCP in Feb or so....

So it's onward and upward now....I need to remember that: