Friday, August 1, 2008

The other shoe...

Ever heard the expression "waiting for the other shoe to drop"?

That's what life has felt like for Frank and I over the past few weeks, things have gone so well and this may sound really "half-glass empty" but we've kinda been waiting for the other shoe to drop, well this morning, it came hurtling down!

Now please, please, please don't get me wrong. I am gratefull that we've made it this far, I know that many of you don't ever get this far let alone with your own eggs but bear with me here, some of what I am feeling is hormone related....

Yesterday's fert report said 13 embies, 7 looking good...today, however was a different story. Dr V started off saying that he had a conversation at a conference once, it was about perfect day 3 embryo's being transferred but no pregnancy being achieved - the outcome was - grow the same embryo's to day 5 and see what happens. Now we know why no pregnancy was achieved with any of my other transfers....I have bad eggs.

Our embryo's are beautifull up until day 3 but today, today was a completely different story. 7 of the embies became blasts - which is good? No, they became awful quality blasts, the rest stayed alive and grew a few cells more but the fragmentation was very clear, not good embies at all. In fact the 9 cell that would have been a day 3 choice was terrible today...

There was one "excellent" (according to dr V & the embryologist) blast another two that could "make a baby" (their words, not mine) but weren't top class. That's it folks - 3 out of the 13 that were alive were transfer quality. I didn't mind not freezing any because we what we want to achieve is a pregnancy with a take home baby, not have embies in the freezer but we had to make a choice. Dr V was not happy transferring all 3, he said that considering my age and the fact that they were blasts, a triplet pregnancy could be on the cards, that means a high risk pregnancy.

Of-course my initial reaction was that I wanted all three transferred, Frank and Dr V disagreed - they won. We transferred the best two and the other was not freezing quality. I'm still wondering if we made the right decision, what happens if that one was "the one"? I know you girls get this, i'm feeling so uncertain.

Transfer went well, loads and loads of tears. Dr V says that should a pregnancy be achieved then the OHSS will flare up again but I can deal with that, I just want this to work. Acu afterwards helped me relax and now up off to the couch with little Abi.

Test is on 13.08.08.....

11 comments:

anna said...

I know this sucks to hear, but at least you have an answer as to what went wrong before! Now that at day 5 you have two amazing little guys who were transferred, I think your chances are really good! I transferred 3 not-so-good quality embies at day 3, and I still got twins. Don't lose hope yet, my dear! Still sending you tons of good thoughts and prayers.

Kate said...

I'l be sending sticky vibes!!!

Bee Cee said...

Really understand how you feel about the one you didnt transfer. But lets put all our energy in the 2 excellent ones on board. Good luck.

Mands said...

Hi there stranger! Just remember that I only got 2 decent embies the first time round and got a positive beta... the fact that there were only 3 is NO reflection on the outcome - you only need one to make a baby!!!
(And you have 2!)
Rooting for you Tam, I actually feel a little jealous, that's hoow good I feel about this one for you.
Mands xx

Carrie said...

I completely understand your worry but getting to blast is such an achievement.
More and more I reckon it is worth the risk of waiting to day 5. If you'd gone at day 3 that 9 cell would have been (possibly)out the game by now but you wouldn't know.

I'd have been tempted to go with the three too, that's just frustration and desperation! I really think two is a far more sensible choice.

Everything crossed for you x

MyTurn said...

I know how tough this can be, you see the big numbers of embryos and it gets you really optimistic. I had 20 embryos at day 3 then had them tested using PGD. 12 out of the 20 were chromosomally abnormal and of the remaining 8, only four were blasts that were good enough to freeze/transfer. For transfer, I had to chose between two rated the same quality (I have complicated reasons for going for single transfer). I too wondered, what if I picked the wrong one to transfer. In the end, as for this whole process, science can only help us so far and we need to have some hope and faith. As women, it is hard, but I think we need to try not to over-analyze things and be as "zen" as can we can about our decisions. My fingers are crossed for you. (And yes, my single transfer is now 25 wks along).

lazyburrito said...

I'm so sorry that your fert report wasn't what you were hoping for. I'm very, very hopeful for the two you put back. I'll be praying like crazy!!

Bumble said...

Praying all the time that these two make your family Tam xxxxxx

ultimatejourney said...

Oh Tam, answers like that are such a mixed blessing. Hugs.

I agree with Bee Cee ... let's focus on the ones you transferred and hope they're making themselves very comfy even as we 'speak'.

Bumble said...

By the way Tam, why's the test only on the 13th, wouldn't you know earlier because it was a 5 day transfer (by about the 9th)? You know me... patience is not my virtue he he..

Charnè said...

i know the news must have shocked you and i know it must have been a diffiuclt decsion to not transfer all 3...

thinking of you and hoping your little 2 will grow and attach and develop well

xxx