1 year Blogaversary!!

It’s been a year since I started this blog, can you believe it? Because I sure can’t.

A year ago I was in a very different place to where I am now, we had just finished our second IUI, it had failed (of-course) and I was devastated and in a very bad place. We went for counseling with me saying that I didn’t want to do this IUI shit anymore and with Frank and Dr J telling me to “just try one more” before moving onto IVF…sigh

As you all know, I caved and did IUI # 3 in April and it failed as I thought it would. It seems like a world away, I can’t believe that since then time has passed so quickly, it feels like I have been taking a break more than I have been doing fertility treatments, since starting this blog I have only done one IUI, one fresh IVF and an FET, I really can’t believe that, this last year has felt so hard and I am so tired. I remember this last year so differently, only doing three treatments sounds/feels like I’m down playing things a bit here, I remember the months in-between, I remember how hard they were and I remember the reasons I needed to stop for a while, this last year brings many un-happy memories for me and Frank, it’s a year that we are trying desperately to put behind us, it’s a year that has done so much damage and given us so much heartache.

We are different people now, we still have hope and a love that’s stronger than ever before, a better understanding of many things but also utter confusion as to why we even need to still be walking this road. We have high hopes for this year, a belief that things will change soon and that this will be our year.

Blogland has taught me so much, I have watched many of you grow and become different people, watched some of you achieve pregnancies and have live babies and have formed some wonderful friendships. Girls, I am really thankful for every single one of you, without you guys I know that this road would have been a lot harder and very lonely, you have all helped me through some really rough times and I love you all for that, so thank you for helping me get through this journey. I look forward to what happens next for all of us!!

I was speaking to sweet Bumble yesterday and she said something that really stuck a chord with me, she said “Tam, every minute extra that you wait for you baby is so worth it” I have always worried about that, always wondered if the damage done by IF could ever be healed, if we ever get over the pain. Bumble says that little Emma has healed her, I can’t wait to be healed by my little soul, I pray that that will be soon.

I am 8DPO today, feeling fine except for a cold coming on. I have lost 12.5cm in the last 4 weeks, some of this is thanks to the detox and the rest I suppose is from gyming 3 times a week. I am feeling so much better, am starting to fit into my smaller clothes now and generally feeling much healthier. I am really starting to get sick of this diet tho, in fact I’ve been really grumpy the last few days, I just want to eat normal food!! By tomorrow, I will have been doing this for 4 weeks, 4 weeks is a long time!! I really hope that this is making a difference and that it will make my womb more welcoming!!

Having been told that my body is the problem and that my womb is un-welcoming has become a problem for me, so much so that I am scared to put anything bad/other than the diet in my mouth, I keep on thinking that if I do something wrong then maybe this wont work, which is just absurd, I know that but you know how things like this can play on your mind. Dr P has told me that it’s up to me to change my body by eating correctly and so I’m being hard on myself and I don’t like that way that it’s making me feel :o( I will chat to the doc about this when I go get more drops.

Other than that, Frank and I are taking a 10 day holiday, I can’t wait, we’ll be away for our 3 year anniversary which I plan to make different from last year and concentrate how much we love eachother and not how childless we are. The plan is to leave next week Wednesday, AF will be due the following day and hopefully we’ll be back in time for AC if we need it or maybe, just maybe….I’ll have good news for you!

Operation Ovulation!!!

Well well ladies, my detox is finished...thank goodness for that!!

We are now doing "operation ovulation", operation ovulation involves lots of s*x....until a rise in temp, Dr P suggested that we do days 11 - 14 and I'm on day 14 today but still no temp rise so we'll have "another go" tonight :))

As you can see, I am feeling much more cheerful and finally getting back to normal, I am so so glad that the detox is finished, you wouldn't believe it. I had my last colonic on Saturday and my last AC session on Sunday, my Darling hubby was a brave boy and did AC with me, have I ever told you how much I love that man!

So now, besides having loads of s*x, i am doing a post-colonic eating plan which is similar to the way the detox started but a little different....

Breakfast - Cooked oat bran with raisons, butter and honey to flavour
Mid morning snack - Fruit and sunflower seeds & raisons
Lunch - Steamed veggies and brown/basmati rice
Mid afternoon snack - More fruit or nuts
Dinner - A large salad/steamed veg

Not too bad eh? I need to do this for the next two weeks, especially since we are hoping for conception....double yeah! There are a few more things that I can eat, I am allowed some chicken or fish every 3rd night or so but I'll let you know what's on the do and don't list in the next post.

Should that BFP elude me once again then it'll be a slight change to the eating plan and AC on CD8, 10 & 12 again and we'll go from there. I am to carry on the Agnes during the 2ww and Dr P says that we'll start progesterone once a pregnancy is established and not before because according to him, too much progesterone before implantation is not a good thing - time will tell I suppose??

In other news, my baby sister is 21 today. How I love that little soul - just wanted to mention her because she is so special in my life and I really wish her all the best!

Not much else is happening in the land of Peanut, one of Frank's friends phoned the other night to tell us that his wife is expecting their second child, I never fell off the wagon, I had the normal twitch of dissapointment but I know that our turn will come...very soon I hope!

Please go over and send your love to Mands, she is going through a rough time right now and could use all the love that you wonderful chicks in blogland have to give.

And that concludes the end of my 100th post, can't believe that so much has happened since I started this blog, I am very glad that I did because one day I'll look back at our journey with all the details and then I'll be able to put it all to rest and of-course there's all of you that read this and give me the support I need, I love you guys xxx

Detox Day 8....

Ugh....this is terrible, I'm feeling awful. I knew that it would be bad but I expected to feel a bit better. I've been off work one day with terrible body pains and a really bad headache, the rest of the time has been okay but I definately do not feel well!

So I started the second part of my detox on Monday this week, Day 5. This detox consists of a liquid diet and colonics for 6 days. Herewith the liquid diet rules :

• Cleansing drink: drink a 3 quarter glass of water with a quarter glass of freshly juiced apple juice. Follow this with a glass of water mixed with half a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar and a teaspoon of raw honey - drink this 5 times a day
• Flaxseed tea drink: Soak 1 tablespoon of flaxseeds in half a cup of boiling water, allow to cool and drink the water and chew on the seeds. Drink at least 2 cups of this a day
• Broth: To one litre filtered water add - 3 cups of chopped celery, 1 garlic clove, 1 chopped carrot, 2 cups chopped sweet potato and 2 cups of butternut. Bring this to the boil and then simmer for 2 minutes or til veggies are soft, you can add fresh herbs like coriander, basil or mint to this for taste. Liquidise this, this is your only "real" food so you can have this anytime of the day.
• Veggie juices: Juice the following (with a juicer, not a blender): 3 carrots, 3 cabbage leaves, 2 stalks celery, 2 steamed beetroots, 1 steamed turnip, half a garlic clove, 6 spinach leaves and half a bunch of parsley - dilute with mineral water OR Juice carrots, celery and steamed beetroot, mix this in 50:50 ratio with mineral water (I found the later one the best so I just have that) - Drink 2 - 4 cups a day.
• You can add some more sweet potato or butternut to your broth or eat a little brown rice if you are feeling weak or hungry.

You also have a whole list of supplements that they supply so I feel like I'll rattle if you shake me from all the tabs i'm taking! The colonics is anything but pleasant, in-fact it's quite uncomfortable and sore but I'll be doing my 4th 1 hour session today so at least I'm almost finished with only 2 more to go after today. The good news is that I have lost a total of 4 kg's so far, this wasn't the point of doing this but it does help :)

I was also on CD8 yesterday so we started accupuncture to "start heating the oven" (as Dr P put it), i'll have AC every second day until CD 12, Frank will do AC on days 10 & 12 too and we are to "start getting intimate" on CD10 - CD14. Not quite sure if I carry on the Agnes cactus during the 2ww and what he will do about my progesterone dificiency so I need to ask. So I suppose we'll see what happens then, personally I think that it's too early for my body to have changed too much but what have we got to lose?

From sunday I will be put on a different eating plan because you can't just go from having just liquid to eating everything again, I pressume it will also be something that I'll need to live by to control my acidity, i'll let you know.

So girls, that's my story. Not very exciting at all and I can't wait until my last colonic and until I can eat proper food again!!

Bumble and little Bumble are all doing well, Bumble is persavering with breast feeding and sounds happy. Little Bumble is just beautiful too, so so perfect. I can't wait until our day comes girls - I just know it will!

Baby Bumble is here!!!

I thought I'd update you all, Baby Bumble is here!! She was born on the 3rd Febraury @ 11:41 pm (Aussie time) by emergency ceaser (cord was wrapped twice around her neck so she was stressed before labour was in full swing) and weighed in at 3.05kg's. She is perfect and both Mom and Dad are hopelessly in love with her....

Well done my sweet friend, I wish you and Mr B all the best, I'm so proud of you and wish that I could be with you but know that I am there in spirit!

Update on detox will follow tomorrow!